Importance of self-love stressed at International Women's Day event

Women attending the 13th annual event organised by Offaly Domestic Violence Support Service to mark International Women's Day were told this week of the importance of self-love and acceptance.

The free event took place in the Bridge House Hotel on Monday afternoon and was attended by a large number of women drawn from various sections of the local community, including Green Party Minister Pippa Hackett.

The gathering was addressed by three guest speakers, each of whom emphasised the need for women to practice self-care and to love and accept themselves. “You really, really have to love yourself and everything will become easier” were the powerful words of mental health and wellness advocate, Alannah Sheehan, who was 32 years old and had just given birth to her third child when she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer in 2020.

After suffering “severe anxiety” in her 20s and being diagnosed with terminal cancer in her 30s, Alannah Sheehan said she is very grateful to now be in a “very loving relationship.” She said “the turning point” in her own life was when she decided that she was “going to find hope” and live for her children, despite being told she had a terminal illness.

“One of the things that upset me the most was that I never really had a good relationship with myself, I had always suffered with my mental health so I decided to love myself and become my own best friend,” she said “And its the small things in life that make me happy now.”

She advised people to “be with nature, rub a pet, dance your head off, use positive affirmations and above all, be really, really gentle with yourself, treat yourself like you are talking to your best friend and stop slating yourself, stop being mean to yourself”.

The aspect of self-care and self-love was also touched on by another one of the guest speakers boxer, Gráinne Walsh, during her contribution. She said it is “almost frowned upon” in the modern world for young people to admit that they love themselves, but she said to be “happy and comfortable in your own skin and to love yourself is the most important thing as you have to look at yourself every day and live with yourself.”

Reflecting on her own journey in boxing, and her battle with injury over the past three years, she spoke of the impact of social media, and said one of her coping mechanisms has been to limit her exposure to social media by signing off Instagram. “If you are any way weak in your own mind and everything seems to be going great for other people, social media can be a dark place to be,” she said.

Gráinne Walsh paid tribute to the work of Offaly Domestic Violence Support Service and said she was lucky to have been able to organise a fundraising event last year in the wake of the tragic death of Ashling Murphy. “As an athlete I ran that same route that Ashling took numerous times and I organised the fundraiser to empower women and to encourage them to buddy up and be safe,” she said. “Not many men have to look over their shoulder, but unfortunately Ashling took every single precaution that she could and it still wasn't enough to protect her.”

She also told the audience of how Olympic gold medalist, Katie Taylor, had been instrumental in her decision to take up boxing, despite having no family history in the sport. “When Katie came down to Tullamore in 2012 to open a new boxing club only 35 people turned out to see her, despite the fact that she had already won five consecutive world medals, and six of those were members of my own family.”

Three months later Taylor won a gold medal at the London Olympics, and Gráinne told of how she had travelled to Bray for the homecoming where upwards of 20,000 people lined the streets to meet the new Olympian. “It goes to show the impact of an Olympic medal, and how hard Katie Taylor had to fight to even get women's boxing into the Olympics in the first place,” she said.

The third guest speaker, singer/songwriter Tolü Makay spoke powerfully and movingly about her journey from Nigeria to Tullamore and the way in which music has inspired her throughout her life. She said she always wrote down her feelings on paper as a means of expressing herself. “I probably didn't know it at the time, but that was my entry into writing my own songs,” she remarked.

The young singer-songwriter also paid tribute to Tullamore College, describing it as the first place where she received “acceptance, love and appreciation”. During her time in third-level education, where she studied psychology, she spoke of how she was in “a very abusive relationship” but added that she didn't realise it at the time based on the history she had seen with her own parents. “One of the things about abuse and trauma is that it tends to follow you and it becomes the normal if that's the reality you have been living with,” she said.

After struggling with her mental health in 2019, Tolü told Monday's gathering that she decided that she needed to “pause and reflect and find what was important” in her life, and that was music, and she also spoke about the importance of self-care and said she “could not recommend it highly enough”.

The title of her first EP in 2019 'Being' was chosen because “for the first time in my life I felt present in my own body, for the first time I felt aware of my existence and for the first time I released my emotions,” she said, adding that she felt “much more comfortable having no emotions." She explained that, in the culture she comes from, it is not “really accepted” to be an emotional person. “You are always told to tone it down and be tough,” she commented.

She finished her contribution with a powerful rendition of the Sean O'Riada composition of 'Mná na hÉireann' which she performed 'as Gaeilge.'

Manager of ODVSS, Anne Clarke, and founding member, Molly Buckley, both thanked the three guest speakers for their “powerful contributions” and said the service was “honoured” to have heard such inspirational stories.

*** See more photos from the event in this Friday's Offaly Independent.