DIY self-care: men’s mental health
HSE psychologist Eoin Ryan and colleagues have put together some information to help men to look after their mental health and wellbeing during this ongoing crisis.
Research has repeatedly found that men are much less likely to access supports available to them until they are at crisis point and that embarrassment or anxiety can be major obstacles for men to overcome before seeking help. Often a man’s struggles ‘hide in plain sight’ in the form of excessive alcohol usage to numb distress, avoiding difficulties through working lengthy hours, drug taking, gambling, watching pornography or by emotionally withdrawing, saying things like “I don’t want to talk about it”.
One outcome is that men in Ireland have poorer health outcomes and die, on average, about four years younger than women. Men have higher death rates than females for virtually all of the leading causes of death, with men being four times more likely to die by suicide compared to females.
Men don’t form a homogenous group. There are different demands and challenges affecting men at different stages in their lives. Some groups of men are particularly vulnerable, for example older men are much less likely to disclose their struggles and are at higher risk of suicide compared to younger men, while men from a Traveller background are another high risk group. Men as a whole are less likely to disclose common mental health problems such as stress and depression.
Between the existing health challenges faced by men and now Covid-19, it brings into sharp relief the need to be able to identify when men are struggling and what to do about it.
The struggles we experience as men are often very normal responses to life events, especially in the context of Covid-19. Signs and symptoms of stress and depression can include: moodiness/irritability, loss of interest/pleasure in previously enjoyed activities, increased tiredness, change in sleep patterns, weight change, concentration difficulties, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, guilt, unexplained aches and pains, feeling anxious and worried, and having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself. Increased anger or use of alcohol, not eating healthily, and neglecting ourselves are other common signs of a need to take action.
Much research has found that negative attitudes towards help-seeking for our problems are underpinned by stigma, where there is a belief that the act of seeking help is threatening to our self-worth or as a weakness of character. Help seeking can sometimes be seen as going against the “male ideal” of independence, autonomy and self-reliance.
For a lot of men, having grown up in a society that doesn’t prize them talking about the personal challenges they face or acknowledging their struggles leads to a situation where men find it difficult to find the language to communicate their struggles. As a result, they may be more likely to talk about being tired, focus on physical ailments, or simply avoid or ignore their feelings.
How can men help themselves?
There is no one size fits all when it comes to what works best for any individual.. Many men don’t like being told what to do but the Men’s Health Forum in Ireland (www.mhfi.org) have a Man Manual that outlines the choices men have when it comes to dealing with their physical and mental health – (i) do nothing and ignore the signs; (ii) engage in some DIY self-care or (iii) find an expert to help them out.
Helpful strategies that men report include: setting goals and sticking at working towards those goals; focusing on practical solutions to problems, like engaging in physical activities and exercise to lift your mood; reframing challenging situations, often through humour; spending time with family and friends; spending time with a pet; joining a group like Men’s Shed; or volunteering in the local community. Doing something to help someone else increases the chances of doing something to look after yourself.
The starting point for looking after ourselves is to acknowledge the need to take care of ourselves – much like we take care of others or take care of our cars and homes.
Giving yourself permission to talk is not a sign of weakness but more an act of deep bravery and courage. Use whatever language works for you, there is no “right” way – other than the strength to say to yourself and to others that perhaps “I’m not ok today” and that I might need to do something about it. Doing so can open up a world of supports.
Further information and supports
Samaritans (Call 116 123)
HSE's www.yourmentalhealth.ie
Men’s Health Forum in Ireland www.mhfi.org is an information portal for men’s health issues, needs and work in Ireland.
The Irish Men’s Sheds Association www.menssheds.ie
www.gov.ie/together - for lots of tips on looking after your health and wellbeing.
www2.hse.ie/coronavirus or call HSE Live 1850 24 1850 (Monday – Friday 8am-8pm, Saturday and Sunday 10am-5pm) for up to date information on Covid-19.